Cartwheel boy, revisited - an in depth look at ADHD

A couple of things lately have spurred on this post. One is that I recently commented to Fitz that Charlie seemed to have grown out of his cartwheel phase. Fitz quickly informed me that the cartwheels are alive and well at school. Charlie started at Fitz's school this year, which is a campus rather than one building. There is some moving around from classes, and apparently Charlie takes full advantage of this to get the cartwheels out of his system. I think we don't see them at home so much because he has the trampoline now to let out that excess energy.

The other thing was the recent progress letter from Charlie's teacher. It was glowing, but it did mention his distractibility, and lack of focus at times. I love his teacher, and it sounds like Charlie is having a great year so far, but this was that reminder that the ADHD is alive and well.

I have mentioned ADHD on here in the past, but never spoken in depth about it. This post may end up way longer than you would like :)

Charlie was not quite 2 when we were first made aware of his attentional issues. Yes, that's right... not quite 2. He had had some hearing/ear issues and we were having him evaluated by Early Intervention for speech. He ended up not qualifying for speech, but they told us they were concerned with his attentional issues, and we were given an educator 3 days a week at our house to work with him.

I was shocked to say the least. Pre-kids, I was (am) a special educator who worked primarily with ADHD kids. But these were school aged kids. I had never known of this being picked up so early, and I never would have seen it in my son at that age. Sure he was a busy active (okay, crazy!) toddler, but aren't most little boys? But I will tell you this... years after this, I can say that it was the best thing that ever happened to Charlie. I don't think he will ever need meds, and he is forever coming up with new coping strategies just like that long ago teacher taught him to.

When I was teaching, I often encountered regular ed. teachers who were frustrated by the active kids in their class, and at a loss of how to handle them. I came up with an easy layman's explanation that seemed to help. It goes like this...

Everyone has filters in their brain... filters coming in and filters going out. As you read this, you might hear a television in the background, kids running around, the washer running, and that’s just the auditory stimulation. But we filter all this out so that we can concentrate on the task at hand. For ADD and ADHD kids, this is often much harder. All that excess noise may be coming in at the same level. I once had a student describe it to me like this... you are in the TV department at sears, with 20 screens on the wall, but they are all on different stations, all equally entertaining. Its a big effort to focus in on the right one.

Those are the filters for things coming in. There are filters for things coming out too. If I was talking to you about this, you might be thinking, "this is a load of crock" or "who the heck is this lady" but the filters in your brain would keep you from saying something inappropriate.  All kids are impulsive at heart, but the truly ADHD kids have a hard time filtering those impulses.

This is not to say that it's impossible. It's just something they have to consciously work at, something that comes much easier to most kids.  One myth that drives me crazy is that ADHD are "bad" kids. People are always shocked when they find out Charlie is ADHD. Some people even question the diagnosis. "But he's so good, so well behaved," they say. And he is. He is a great kid with a great heart, but he works very hard at this. And the impulsivity still comes into play (especially at home with siblings!)

He holds it together well in school. He comes home with a lot of pent up energy. He'll go immediately to the trampoline and let out some steam, and sometimes he'll ask to take a shower in the middle of the day. He's learned that the enclosed shower stall, the white noise of the water, and the pressure on his head, all help him to pull it back together. 

There are no showers in the classroom however. And sometimes, when the stimulation in the room gets to be too much, he may get caught looking out the window, at the fields, and the wide blue sky, because there are less distractions out there.

He is our dreamer, our thinker, our crazy cartwheel boy, and I wouldn't have him any other way.

Happy Halloween!

It's the little things...

It 's been a long hard fall, but we are hanging in there. Fitz has reminded me daily that I have not written on this blog in quite a while. I can use the excuse of being busy... an all too real excuse lately, but the reality is, I just haven't had the emotional energy. Beyond being physically drained, my brain has just been trying to process the last month or so. Nothing bad, just life.  I like to remind him that he has not been the most prolific of bloggers either, but he beat me to it and posted the eulogy he wrote for his mum. A beautiful read, I must say.

This fall has reminded me once again what an incredibly supportive group of friends we have. With all that we went through, people were constantly doing many, many little things to make our life easier.  The wake for my mother in law was scheduled from 4-8pm. A very long stretch of time for a group of young kids. Rob, a good friend and fellow teacher of Fitz's, stopped by early on. He lives very close to the funeral home, and offered to take whichever of our kids wanted to walk his new puppy and go back to his house for pizza. A small offering in his eyes, but a huge help in ours.

It had me thinking on the way home of how many times people reach out to us, quietly, simply, and without reservation. It's Wednesday, our normal spaghetti night, which we kept up right through the midst of all this. I've written about Wednesdays, and how much I love them. We tell people they don't need to bring a thing, but people almost always drop by with a bottle of wine, a loaf of garlic bread, or a dessert. Our friend Tom though, almost always shows up with a gallon of milk. Sometimes he even has a loaf of bread and a dozen eggs. He never says a word, just quietly puts the milk in the fridge. He knows we are feeding an army every day, and that gallon of milk, a small offering on his part, is another huge gift to us.

Our friend Drew will most likely make an appearance tonight as well. At our last Memorial day party, there was a small crew of us sitting by the fire late night. Fitz and I laughed that this was the first year we were both working the next day, and the mess would have to wait. I came home the next day and stood speechless in our backyard. It was completely cleaned up. Bottles recycled, trash bagged, platters and dishes stacked on the picnic table. I found out a few days later that Drew had stopped by. He was free the next day, and knew how tired we would be. This was no small thing, although Drew tried to tell us it was no big deal. 

I could write for pages about the small things people have done in the last couple of months. The rides people gave our kids to soccer practices, the meals friends dropped over, the outings people picked up our kids for, the list could go on and on.  If anything at all has come out of this for me, it's that I am reminded to do the little things. To hold the door for the woman with the double stroller at the store, to let the car out in front of me that has been waiting for a while,  To pick up the neighbors trash barrels that have blown over in the wind. Each might not feel like a big thing, but I personally know that those little things can be big to the recipient. I am incredibly thankful to all those amazing people in our life who do these little things.

Gramma Mary

We lost Fitz's mom this morning. These last few weeks have been amazing for me to witness. Her children gathered around her, holding her hand, loving her to the end. She had always been an inspiration to me... raising 6 kids to be such great, close adults. Not a day goes by that Fitz doesn't talk with at least one of his siblings.

The last few years we had been losing her slowly to Alzheimers. The last year or so, it was very hard for her to remember people. What amazed me though, is that each time we went to visit with the kids, she would need help and ask the names of the kids, but when it came to Pipo, she never forgot. She would proudly introduce him as her grandson from Haiti to anyone nearby.

Today, as we went through her things, my sister in law found a 'memory notebook' she had started for her in the early stages... when her memory was just starting to fade. The idea was that she would keep it close by, and jot down notes each day of things she wanted to remember. She didn't love the idea though, and had made only one entry on one day. My sister in law looked at it, and promptly gave it to me saying that I should save it. I looked at the entry. After a couple of sentences of everyday errands she needed to do, there was this sentence... "John picks Philippe up tonight at Logan."

She accepted Pipo from the start, just as excited for our new son as she was with each baby I gave birth to. But to see this line there... to know it was something important enough for her to jot down... I just had no words.

Fitz met with his siblings this afternoon to discuss all the arrangements. He called me at one point to get an address from me. The address for Saint Boniface Haiti Foundation . He and his siblings decided to have donations in memory of his mother sent to Saint Boniface, in honor of their bringing Pipo into our family. I couldn't be more grateful.

Where are the parents?

Yesterday, Fitz played at an outdoor festival. It was a gorgeous day, and the band was set up in a gazebo at the bottom of a large, sloping field surrounded by orchards. At one point in their set, I noticed a good number of small children climbing up into and around the gazebo, poking at, picking up and playing with anything within their reach. The harmonica player had a case of all of his harps set open in front of him... so that he could switch to different keys as needed. Some of these kids were actually grabbing spare harmonicas and playing them. Kids hanging on the side of the gazebo were jumping down and grabbing the sound system to get their balance. Running across in front of the musicians, they would occasionally knock a mike stand off kilter, requiring Fitz to adjust it in mid-song.

This wasn't new or unusual unfortunately. Whenever he does a family show where there are a lot of kids, there is always the stray kid 'getting into things'. But it does seem to be getting worse. A lot of the time, the parents are there, they are just to caught up in their own things to be paying attention to their children. But many times, the parents see this behavior and let it continue. They think their kids are just "so cute" and isn't it great that they "aren't shy at all". "Look at little Sammy... getting right up on stage!"

Trust me, it's not cute. It's not cute at all to see small children playing around with very expensive equipment. My guess is some of these parents think it's a family friendly show, and after all... the musicians aren't complaining or saying anything. The musicians are working. They can't very well stop the show to discipline someone else's kid. They also want to get booked for more shows, so of course they will smile at your adorable child who is pulling the strings off of their $4000 guitar.

Yesterday I honestly wanted to find some of these parents and ask them... "Hey, would it be okay if tomorrow I show up at your office with my 7 kids and let them climb on your desk and play with your computer while you work? Okay, that's be great."

His glass is half full

This morning, while looking up at his spice rack full of meds, Pipo said to me "I think I'll be a pharmacist when I grow up, because I am really good at pills.

I really, really love this kid.

Fall insanity

I've written about our crazy soccer schedule in the past, both here and here... but this fall we are at a whole 'nother level. All 7 are playing, one on two different teams, and no one is on the same team. Eight different schedules to follow. A friend commented the other day on how organized we must be, and what my calendar must look like. I admitted that we don't even have a calendar. I keep stuff in my head, always have. That way I won't lose it! The truth is, if I wrote everything on the calendar I think my head might just explode. Going day by day doesn't seem so scary, but to see all of it out there... I'm just not sure I could deal with it. I counted last night, and we have 19 practices a week. Thankfully Kaleigh can drive to her own, so I am 'only' left with 14. Add on the 7-10 games per week, CCD starting for 6 of them, multiple doctor and dentist appointments set up for the fall, and Fitz and I are left with our heads spinning.

We chose to have a big family, and we chose to have them involved in activities like soccer... so I am not complaining at all. I was talking with a friend yesterday, and I realized what the bigger issue is. We have no transition time from Summer to Fall. I am incredibly thankful for our summers. They are truly dream summers for our kids. All of us are together constantly, with no pressures or true commitments. Camp is our only commitment, but it is a joy to be there, and it is one of the most relaxing places I've ever been. We go straight from pure, fun family time to a jam packed schedule literally overnight. It's a tough thing to get used to. At least for this mom.

The picture above is one of the first family photos of all of us in many years. I have plenty of pictures of all the kids, but I am rarely out from behind the camera. This shot was taken during a weekend in Vermont with family and friends. Slipped in between camp and trips to the Cape, it was just one more adventure I know the kids will remember forever. I doubt they will remember all these soccer games, or their 5th grade homework or any of the other things we seem to be rushing back and forth from lately. It all makes me realize how valuable that family time is. And no matter how crazy our fall may be, we will make an effort to fit some of that time in where we can.