Friday, February 12, 2010

Forced retirement

Last month was long and busy. We are still trying to do what we can to help Haiti. Pipo ended up raising over $150 and was able to personally deliver it to the Saint Boniface office. I think it went a long way in helping him deal with all this.

Kaleigh turned 18 this past weekend, which is very hard for me to believe. Fitz put together a great slideshow which I will try to post here as well.

I have been playing indoor soccer at the same place, with basically the same group of guys for about 10 years now. It has been my one escape. My one "me" time. Now that Kaleigh is 18, she had signed up with me, and I have been so excited to be able to share this with her, and get a little one on one time before she heads off to school next year. But this past Tuesday at soccer, I went a little too hard, turned a little too fast and blew out my knee. I knew as I went down that this was bad, I felt and heard the pop, and had pain worse than anything I have ever felt in my life. (including giving birth to 9.14lb Tommy, drug free)

I have never in my life been injured to the point of needing to go to the hospital. Never anything that the school trainer couldn't fix in college, never anything that I couldn't limp through, wrap up and play through, forget about and get on with my busy life. The only time I have been in the hospital was to give birth. And even then, I was always up and out the next day, often going places and doing things before the baby was 2 days old. I have never been incapacitated.

I am finding out very quickly that I am terrible at this. If it had been my left leg, I think I could handle it, but it's my right. My driving leg. I knew I drove a lot, but I don't think I ever realized just how much. Not being able to just run to the store when I need to is a pain. But trying to organize a life with 7 kids is ridiculously hard. Fitz has been great, but I know it is wearing on him. I'm also thankful for the awesome small town where we live , where everyone has been offering to help. It's just that accepting help has never been a strong point of mine. I've always been the one who can just take care of it all myself. Sitting here unable to do a thing is incredibly humbling.

I keep thinking maybe the doctor is wrong. Maybe it's just a little sprain, and I will be back on it in a day or two. Like a toothache that you can't stop touching with your tongue, I keep testing my leg, putting a little weight on it, trying to not use the crutches. It only takes a few seconds of this to realize I am an idiot, this pain is not going away, this is not a quick fix. For the first time in my life, I am realizing I am not indestructible. And that realization is even more painful than the knee.