Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Reality check

I was laughing with my oldest today about those silly classes offered at some high schools that give “reality” training about parenting. You know the kind… you take home an egg and need to take care of it for a week or so. I think some schools even have baby dolls that cry etc. Kaleigh has grown up with 6 younger siblings. She knows the realities… she has lived it.

So we were thinking we should design our own class… one that teaches the true realities. Common sense, practical knowledge that all parents should know. Like not ever buying toys that make noise. And never allowing a child to eat blue yogurt while sitting on the couch. Don’t give small children Mountain Dew before bedtime. Children under 18 should never be given gum. Especially if they have hair. Or their sister has hair. Never leave your car keys in plain sight, especially if the bathroom door is open and the toilet lid is up. Permanent markers should not be allowed in the house. Or regular markers. Even washable ones. It is possible for a human being to survive for days, weeks, even months at a time on only pasta and peanut butter. When a child is sick, the amount that comes out of them will generally equal several times what went into them. And what comes out of them will invariably land on either furniture, carpeting, or some article of clothing that has either just been purchased or just been dry-cleaned. All children need structure, but don’t ever think you can make plans. Because the minute you make plans, that is when one of your children will get sick. Multitasking is a skill all parents must learn immediately upon having a baby. And I don’t mean being able to text/listen to an ipod/study for an English quiz. I am talking about cooking dinner while feeding a baby, answering the phone, assisting with 4th grade math homework and cleaning chocolate pudding out of a 2 year old’s hair. Simultaneously. And all these things need to be done in the 23.5 minutes you have between soccer practice and the PTO meeting.

So if you are given the famous egg in your high school… break it over your head right before a very important event, and see how long it takes you to clean it out of your hair, change your clothes and still make it to that event on time… because THAT is the reality.

But don't fear... because the terror of a mess at the top there? That turns into this eventually, and then it's all worth it.


Becky said...

Cracking me true.

Courtney said...

VERY FUNNY!!! Found you on the McDonald's blog.

Natalie said...

So true...I don't know how many times a day I say "take the noisy toys in the other room!"

patjrsmom said...

This was just priceless. I'd love to put a link to this post on my blog.


Life in Fitzville said...

No problem Jane!

And thanks all... I know you all know where I am coming from!

Therese said...

Oh I can so relate.

The school my children attend has the crying baby but I think my 15 and 14 year old's know more about the reality of babies and toddlers.

S. said...

great post!
I just caught vomit in my hands to save the carpet...never thought I would be doing that!
adorable spaghetti pic!

Cloudscome said...

Tag, you're it!

Mayhem said...

This is so funny! I was cracking up all though reading it, and thinking of my kids doing all those crazy things, and then "awww"-ing at the end. Sweet boy!